I was walking my dog today and it literally just stopped and shat in the road.

I was so shocked i didn't even react for a second.  Like what the fuck.  I've had this dog trained for years and then just randomly it takes giant dump in the middle of the road when there is a perfectly good piece of grass 3 feet away.

And i'm jealous.  I kind of wish i could just take a shit in the middle of the road.  And in this magical land where you can shit in the road, you wouldn't need toilet paper your ass would be magically clean.  And no one would think differently of you because you like to shit on roads